Progress, Not Perfection (Days 3-7)

This post's title pretty much sums up the weekend. Was I the picture of virtuous choices?

Did I stay within my macros?
Yes.
And for now, good enough. It's the first weekend in a long-ass time that I can say that I kept within my macros. So we're going to call that a success. "Success" will assuredly be getting redefined as we go, but for now...so far, so good.

In other news, do you know how much I love going to the gym on Saturdays?

I rarely do, but so enjoy it when I have the opportunity. Not that there aren't more exciting things to do on a Saturday morning, but if it's one of those days when all of my humans are busy doing other things, a chance to workout without having to watch the clock feels soooooo decadent. It also tends to be quieter too, so I don't have to wait for equipment which is also nice. Now if only I would remember not to do leg day when I ride my behemoth of a bike to the gym.

 I feel oddly vindicated that I found more than one 

motorcycle/leg day meme on google images.

Aside from all that, the last few days were full of football, football and more football. My best friend Will, coaches a HS team so Holden and I went to watch Friday night. Saturday I joined him and Summer to watch the Gator game, and then Sunday joined him and our friend Cindy to watch the 49ers. I don't think I've ever watched so much football in one three day period. And it seems the more I learn, the more I realize I don't know. I do appreciate that Will always tries to give me the benefit of the doubt, despite being someone who hasn't watched much since college.

 What's not to love?

A typical conversation between us:
Will: OMG I can't believe the receivers just ran that curl and a delayed fly for a great hook and ladder. Can you?
Me: (Blank stare) No?
Will: You didn't understand a word I just said, did you?
Me: I know what those words mean. But not in that order.

He's a patient man.

Day 2: The Reckoning

I'll not keep you in suspense, I stayed on point yesterday. In fact, came in below target on all macros. Which is not something I want to make a habit of (gains, brah!) but for Day One? Better under than over. All par for my course...when I'm good, I'm really good, when I'm bad?

You get the point.

Macros for the day were the following: 1238 calories, 81g carbs, 45g fat, 137g protein. This included an amazing petite sirloin with mushrooms, onions and asparagus for dinner. Major yummers!

That said, the day was not without its' challenges...and epiphanies. I had a fight with my best friend. Fear not we've already worked it out. But it sucked. It started while I was still at work and as soon as I hung up I had such an insatiable urge for a cigarette. I do not normally get urges to smoke, unless I'm around other smokers. However, I've noticed that on the rare occasions I get into a fight (for lack of a better word) I really, really, really want a cigarette. I had always assumed it was just a societal driven, Pavlovian response. What do you see anyone in any movie ever do when shit starts going down? Grab a cigarette.

But I think it is more than that. I actually think it is more about self-flagellation and/or self-harming. I'm taking my aggression out on myself. I know it's bad for me, it never actually calms me down, pretty much always makes me feel worse...yet still the urge to do it.
So there's that.

I'm proud to report, I did not succumb  to that temptation. I didn't go to the gym yesterday, but I did go for a two mile walk with Dave after dinner. Dave shaved my hair for me just before we left, so I spent the entire walk bitching about the little hairs bugging me, as well as the mosquitos, and how, "I am so fucking OVER summer right now with this damn heat and the humidity."

And then God said, "Ha!"

I'll take, "Saturday Night Live Alumni and Author Reference for $500 Alex." 

And we spent the last half mile walking home in a heavy downpour, with the wind in our faces. And  I laughed. Because what else are you going to do? Plus, it felt better than the stray hairs/mosquitos/heat/humidity anyways.

Day One (again)

Hey...it's uh...been awhile. Almost a little disconcerting to realize this blog is still so easily accessible despite not touching it in three years. But there's the internet for you...and yet another reason why I am so glad I grew up before it existed.

Why am I back after such a hiatus? I guess that is better answered by why I quit writing. First and foremost, I think I just ran out of things to say. I've been happy, but not really inspired to write. I still share pics and what have you on Facebook, but I've just not felt the need to really work things out as one does in a blog. And as far as race/event reports, they haven't been frequent enough or again, I just wasn't inspired enough to go on and on about them,

So why AM I writing now? Well, it's time to get back to Patti from 2012. The one who had her eating disorder under control. You see, I've NEVER slacked in the gym since 2011, no sir/madam. However for the past year (especially) I've just lost my sense of control and ownership of my behavior toward food. As a result, I am literally the same weight I was 5 years ago when I had the hysterectomy. (give or take a pound or two) Let's be fair though, my body composition isn't *quite* the same. If I was to measure it, I'd expect to find my body fat % to be lower now, versus then. Which one would expect comparing my sedentary lifestyle of pre 2011 to 3 years of crossfit followed by 7 months of dedicated powerlifting. I'm way, way, WAY stronger than I was 5 years ago. But there's no getting around the fact that I'm fat again. Strong, but still fat.

 Me, the past 9 months.

Annnnd much like before, it takes some kind of rock bottom event (or events) to kick my ass in gear. And no it wasn't the-getting-to-the-top-of-a-water-slide-line-and-being-told-I-was-too-big-to-go-down-it-and-having-to-walk-all-the-way-back-down-across-the-flow-of-traffic-feeling-like-the-biggest-loser-of-all-the-losers. No, that sucked, but that didn't do it. However, I tweaked my knee a couple months ago doing lunges (LUNGES OF ALL THINGS!) and long story short  I hadn't been able to squat for a couple months, which is like, what I *DO* now. And THAT, ladies and gentleman, is when I said enough is enough. (again)

So now what? Do I slash calories and just do cardio, which worked in that past? Well, I could. But I don't want to give up the muscle I've gained. In fact, I am super excited about being able to actually SEE that muscle once I get a layer or 10 of fat off of them. So the quick fix isn't going to work, not when I still want to work toward my powerlifting goals. Slow and steady wins the race, right? RIGHT??!!

That said, I need to get my habits in order, not only have I been eating ALL THE THINGS but I've been smoking (especially on the weekends) and it's just stupid. We've heard before about the whole "3 Weeks To Make Something A Habit" thing. Today is Day One. I'm giving myself three weeks to get myself back into the habit of moderating ALL the things. A beer or two IF they fit into my macros on the weekends, but zero smoking of course and tracking my food everyday. I like the "If It Fits Your Macros" style of eating as it seems most supportive of my lifting. I'll be shooting for the following every day: 1700 calories, 128 carbs, 57 fat, 170 protein. However, when I have a rest day or don't workout as intensely, I'll adjust those numbers down accordingly. 

The charm of IIFYM of course, is that though it encourages clean eating, it doesn't tell you WHAT to eat. Hence the name. It's not at all unlike Weight Watchers (just more of your own math) which in the past, has always been the only "diet" that has really worked for me. Too many restrictions and I either binge, or just immediately gain back the weight when I start to "loosen up" the restrictions. IIFYM, and WW, IMO are more lifestyles.  And it's nice that it is favored by many in the strength sports, so there is a lot of info out there regarding it that pertains to my fitness goals as well.

That said, see you tomorrow.....I need to go log some stuff on My Fitness Pal.