Progress, Not Perfection (Days 3-7)

This post's title pretty much sums up the weekend. Was I the picture of virtuous choices?

Did I stay within my macros?
Yes.
And for now, good enough. It's the first weekend in a long-ass time that I can say that I kept within my macros. So we're going to call that a success. "Success" will assuredly be getting redefined as we go, but for now...so far, so good.

In other news, do you know how much I love going to the gym on Saturdays?

I rarely do, but so enjoy it when I have the opportunity. Not that there aren't more exciting things to do on a Saturday morning, but if it's one of those days when all of my humans are busy doing other things, a chance to workout without having to watch the clock feels soooooo decadent. It also tends to be quieter too, so I don't have to wait for equipment which is also nice. Now if only I would remember not to do leg day when I ride my behemoth of a bike to the gym.

 I feel oddly vindicated that I found more than one 

motorcycle/leg day meme on google images.

Aside from all that, the last few days were full of football, football and more football. My best friend Will, coaches a HS team so Holden and I went to watch Friday night. Saturday I joined him and Summer to watch the Gator game, and then Sunday joined him and our friend Cindy to watch the 49ers. I don't think I've ever watched so much football in one three day period. And it seems the more I learn, the more I realize I don't know. I do appreciate that Will always tries to give me the benefit of the doubt, despite being someone who hasn't watched much since college.

 What's not to love?

A typical conversation between us:
Will: OMG I can't believe the receivers just ran that curl and a delayed fly for a great hook and ladder. Can you?
Me: (Blank stare) No?
Will: You didn't understand a word I just said, did you?
Me: I know what those words mean. But not in that order.

He's a patient man.

Day 2: The Reckoning

I'll not keep you in suspense, I stayed on point yesterday. In fact, came in below target on all macros. Which is not something I want to make a habit of (gains, brah!) but for Day One? Better under than over. All par for my course...when I'm good, I'm really good, when I'm bad?

You get the point.

Macros for the day were the following: 1238 calories, 81g carbs, 45g fat, 137g protein. This included an amazing petite sirloin with mushrooms, onions and asparagus for dinner. Major yummers!

That said, the day was not without its' challenges...and epiphanies. I had a fight with my best friend. Fear not we've already worked it out. But it sucked. It started while I was still at work and as soon as I hung up I had such an insatiable urge for a cigarette. I do not normally get urges to smoke, unless I'm around other smokers. However, I've noticed that on the rare occasions I get into a fight (for lack of a better word) I really, really, really want a cigarette. I had always assumed it was just a societal driven, Pavlovian response. What do you see anyone in any movie ever do when shit starts going down? Grab a cigarette.

But I think it is more than that. I actually think it is more about self-flagellation and/or self-harming. I'm taking my aggression out on myself. I know it's bad for me, it never actually calms me down, pretty much always makes me feel worse...yet still the urge to do it.
So there's that.

I'm proud to report, I did not succumb  to that temptation. I didn't go to the gym yesterday, but I did go for a two mile walk with Dave after dinner. Dave shaved my hair for me just before we left, so I spent the entire walk bitching about the little hairs bugging me, as well as the mosquitos, and how, "I am so fucking OVER summer right now with this damn heat and the humidity."

And then God said, "Ha!"

I'll take, "Saturday Night Live Alumni and Author Reference for $500 Alex." 

And we spent the last half mile walking home in a heavy downpour, with the wind in our faces. And  I laughed. Because what else are you going to do? Plus, it felt better than the stray hairs/mosquitos/heat/humidity anyways.

Day One (again)

Hey...it's uh...been awhile. Almost a little disconcerting to realize this blog is still so easily accessible despite not touching it in three years. But there's the internet for you...and yet another reason why I am so glad I grew up before it existed.

Why am I back after such a hiatus? I guess that is better answered by why I quit writing. First and foremost, I think I just ran out of things to say. I've been happy, but not really inspired to write. I still share pics and what have you on Facebook, but I've just not felt the need to really work things out as one does in a blog. And as far as race/event reports, they haven't been frequent enough or again, I just wasn't inspired enough to go on and on about them,

So why AM I writing now? Well, it's time to get back to Patti from 2012. The one who had her eating disorder under control. You see, I've NEVER slacked in the gym since 2011, no sir/madam. However for the past year (especially) I've just lost my sense of control and ownership of my behavior toward food. As a result, I am literally the same weight I was 5 years ago when I had the hysterectomy. (give or take a pound or two) Let's be fair though, my body composition isn't *quite* the same. If I was to measure it, I'd expect to find my body fat % to be lower now, versus then. Which one would expect comparing my sedentary lifestyle of pre 2011 to 3 years of crossfit followed by 7 months of dedicated powerlifting. I'm way, way, WAY stronger than I was 5 years ago. But there's no getting around the fact that I'm fat again. Strong, but still fat.

 Me, the past 9 months.

Annnnd much like before, it takes some kind of rock bottom event (or events) to kick my ass in gear. And no it wasn't the-getting-to-the-top-of-a-water-slide-line-and-being-told-I-was-too-big-to-go-down-it-and-having-to-walk-all-the-way-back-down-across-the-flow-of-traffic-feeling-like-the-biggest-loser-of-all-the-losers. No, that sucked, but that didn't do it. However, I tweaked my knee a couple months ago doing lunges (LUNGES OF ALL THINGS!) and long story short  I hadn't been able to squat for a couple months, which is like, what I *DO* now. And THAT, ladies and gentleman, is when I said enough is enough. (again)

So now what? Do I slash calories and just do cardio, which worked in that past? Well, I could. But I don't want to give up the muscle I've gained. In fact, I am super excited about being able to actually SEE that muscle once I get a layer or 10 of fat off of them. So the quick fix isn't going to work, not when I still want to work toward my powerlifting goals. Slow and steady wins the race, right? RIGHT??!!

That said, I need to get my habits in order, not only have I been eating ALL THE THINGS but I've been smoking (especially on the weekends) and it's just stupid. We've heard before about the whole "3 Weeks To Make Something A Habit" thing. Today is Day One. I'm giving myself three weeks to get myself back into the habit of moderating ALL the things. A beer or two IF they fit into my macros on the weekends, but zero smoking of course and tracking my food everyday. I like the "If It Fits Your Macros" style of eating as it seems most supportive of my lifting. I'll be shooting for the following every day: 1700 calories, 128 carbs, 57 fat, 170 protein. However, when I have a rest day or don't workout as intensely, I'll adjust those numbers down accordingly. 

The charm of IIFYM of course, is that though it encourages clean eating, it doesn't tell you WHAT to eat. Hence the name. It's not at all unlike Weight Watchers (just more of your own math) which in the past, has always been the only "diet" that has really worked for me. Too many restrictions and I either binge, or just immediately gain back the weight when I start to "loosen up" the restrictions. IIFYM, and WW, IMO are more lifestyles.  And it's nice that it is favored by many in the strength sports, so there is a lot of info out there regarding it that pertains to my fitness goals as well.

That said, see you tomorrow.....I need to go log some stuff on My Fitness Pal.

 

Pressure

My first Crossfit competition is Saturday. I'm really, really nervous. Like, not-sleeping-well-because-visions-of-rope-climbs-and-burpees-keep-racing-through-my-head-type of nervous. And I don't know why.

Scratch that, I do know why. Because I give a crap this time. Sure, I always care (ish) about how I perform at whatever race or competition we try. But somehow...my expectations for myself are usually not all that high. Keep expectations low and that way you'll never be disappointed, eh?

But this is not an Adventure Race (where I at least also have Dave to blame/give credit for) or a Mud-Run (which are purely for fun) or even like last summer's triathlon, which sure, I trained for, but seriously? Me? A triathlete? I was just out there to survive the day.

No, this is a Crossfit Competition. I L-O-V-E Crossfit. Seriously. I spend 3-4 nights a week there. How I perform on any given day, against myself, against the other gals at the box? It matters to me. I've been going for a year now. Unlike triathlons or Tough Mudder length runs, I'm no noob. I should be fairly decent at this by now. Right? RIGHT??!!!

** sidenote: The Tough Mudder last Saturday was da BOMB, yo! For once, I was the slowpoke in the group which meant we got to jog the whole 12 miles! Good times, indeed.

 Zafar, Shredder, Pru, & Dave - Thanks for hauling my ass up, over and through that course!

Love you guys!

Right or wrong, that is how I feel. AND there are only 20 or so other women in my division. (Scaled, of course) So no anonymity like at a lot of other events, either. If I suck, people will notice. And as much as it should just be for fun and I shouldn't care how I do, I do. I care a lot. If I suck, I'm afraid it's really going to bring me down. But why?

I'm beginning to think that maybe the reason I feel so strongly about this is because for the past year, despite having gotten hella stronger and fitter, there is still a part of me that feels a tiny bit like a failure in the Fat Loss Dept. And that if I suck at this competition then that means that I'm NOT an Amazon.(Big girl who kicks ass.)

I'm just a big girl.

Which I know I should think is stupid. But there you are.

Yup. That is definitely what this is about. Now what do I do with this information????

*********************

On a lighter note, of my many (and there were MANY) costumes/pics

 this Halloween season, this my fav. It was a very busy season.

It's also one of the only ones I can post publicly. 

Oh Fantasy Fest, how I love thee.

License to Suck

The Out of Steam Punks finally did their first Elite (6 hour) Pangea Adventure Race. And lived to tell the tale. I'm not going to lie, I only went along with this because Dave really wanted to...and as I've mentioned before, I've dragged him into enough stuff over the years, I owed him.

The day dawned bright and sunny. It rained off and on a lot of the day. But honestly, since it's still hot as balls in Florida, it was nice. We pulled Boat to start. I like the canoe well enough, I think it's actually my strongest of the three, but that doesn't mean I necessarily love it. But the water was beautiful, calm and the best part of moving up to Elite came into play: we got to use our kayak paddles! Yay! That made for a really pleasant paddle. We noticed that not only were we going faster with less effort, we were tracking much straighter as well.  It took us a few more minutes to find CP 13 than I would have liked,  (it was on an island, in from the shore line a bit) but not too bad. CP 14 was up a little creek and feeling pretty confident that we would NOT clear the course on our first Elite anyways, we let it go to save time to use elsewhere.

I'm sure there were lots of gators and turtles on the river here, but I didn't see a damn thing. I did startle a heron on the island near CP 13, so there's that.

Back to the Main TA and off on the Foot/Tube section. Tube? Whaaaaa? Yup, the race was held at Blue Springs State Park. So after grabbing a few CPs on foot, we had to grab a tube and find four CPs near the boil and along the spring run. As a result, I saw something I have never seen, nor likely will ever see again. Dave, who is usually the biggest weenie in the history of ever when it comes to getting in the cold, spring water, jumped right in! It was way refreshing and a great little addition to the race. Not that it was a relaxing float. Unless you have ever wandered too close to a gator, I doubt you realize how difficult it is too move swiftly on a tube. And I didn't even get to see the manatees the other teams reported were in the area. Dang.

A tragedy, really.

After that it was time for the Bike portion. Blue Springs has several miles of really nice, beginner friendly single-track. Earlier in the summer we went there with our son and we all really dug the trails. Of course, we could have done without all the "tiny spiders" back then. Every time we stopped for a quick break my son would say, "I've got these little spiders on me." I, not paying attention because I am a failure as a parent, would say "Oh, just brush them off." It wasn't till we stopped for a snack I looked down at my feet and the "little spiders" were ticks! Lots and lots of them. Needless to say I think we rode the last bit of the trail that day faster than I did on Saturday. Well, I know I did. The gearing on my bike was frozen and as a result when were weren't on the single track (pavement or hard dirt road) I couldn't ride anywhere near as fast I would have normally because I couldn't change gears most of the time.

I felt like reenacting the Bike Toss from the Boar AR.

Onward and upward, we got all the CPs and headed back. Seriously though you guys, those trail were really cool. Great for families and those wanting some single track but aren't ready for big obstacles and challenges, like yours truly.

After getting our final punch card we took off on the bike again. Not gonna lie, I wasn't tired really, or cramping up or anything. I was just over the bike. Between the gears not working properly and that dang tiny seat turning me into a...what's the female equivalent of a eunuch? And let's be honest, I hadn't even ridden my bike for the past couple months. No, I'm not kidding. And I only run two or three miles every week or two. But as you know if you are a regular reader of this blog, I Crossfit. So it was a bit of an experiment personally, to see just how far Crossfit alone would get me. 

I'm so sorry, guys. 

No, I'm not.

So we rode the couple of miles on a grassy/sandy road. Not my finest moment, but we got there. Dave and I switched bikes about a mile in, and oh sweet relief! Once we got to the Bike TA we got additional coordinates and took off into the swamp. Fine, only part of the trail was swampy, and the water was cool at least. So I had that going for me at least. Which is nice.

On the way to the swamp we did our good deed of the day for another team who may or may not have lost the slip of paper with the additional CP coordinates/clues on it. As if I can say no to cute Adventure Racers. 

No. No, I cannot.

The next bit Dave really dug. It was some real orienteering where you had to find one CP, and then take a new heading from that point to find another, and then another. I understand how he did it, but it was definitely one of those times when I felt like, "Yeah, if you didn't do this with me, I wouldn't find half these CPs." Which, I dunno, might not be totally true. I've been tempted to grab a girlfriend and try a Sport Race without Dave, and do the navigating. One of these days, maybe. It kinda bugs me that I don't really do anything besides try to keep up and be the rabbit. I do hold the punch card and read the clues, ya know the same job our son could do when he races with us. 

Anywhine, time started getting short, so we left two CPs out there and headed for home. It was on that two (?) miles back to the Bike TA that I would say the length of the race made itself known to us. Neither of us could maintain our Adventure Race Shuffle (easy jog we usually maintain for all of the Trek portion of Sport Races) due to our legs starting to cramp up/general muscle fatigue. But we still kept a move-on. I can do a pretty quick power walk, faster than Dave can keep up with. He would jog ahead and then walk, so we kept leap frogging each other until we hit the Bike TA. It wasn't pretty, but it worked.

I stole Dave's bike again on the way back. My legs were definitely getting fatigued by now, but my Crossfitter brain (I'm so, so sorry. No, I'm not.) kicked in, "15 more minutes, tops. You can do anything for 15 minutes." We nabbed CP 34 on the way back. Kinda proud of myself for figuring that one out myself, thank you very much. Then took off for home. It was (literally) all down hill from there.

We ended up in 16th. Out of 24 teams. Hence, the title to this post. Had we placed that low in a Sport Class Race, not gonna fib, we'd be pretty disappointed. But for our first Elite? We'll take it. Since it was our first go and we hadn't done any additional training, hell -we hadn't done any specific training, I figured we'd earned the license to suck. Next time, not so much. 

Will we do another Elite? I wouldn't rule it out by any means. But for now, the Sport Class is more fun and still provides me with a sense of accomplishment upon completion. The Elite's pain to fun/accomplishment scale tipped a wee bit far onto the pain side for my liking, without additional training anyways. So why not do a little more dedicated training? Because life. I really, really enjoy doing Crossfit. That really takes up all of my "fitness" time. And the thing is, regardless of the fact that I actually look forward to going every day, I really do think it gives me, personally, the most bang for my buck in relation to what it allows me to do vs time spent at the gym. Last year, when we started doing Crossfit, we quit regularly just going for runs and riding the bicycles, and that's (oddly) when we started seeing real improvements in our Sport Class finishes. But to place well at Elite? No, I don't think Crossfit alone is enough. A little more endurance work is called for, I think. More work I just don't have the time, nor frankly desire, to do.

All that said, the Super Hero was another wonderfully well organized race by the Pangea Team. Everyone is so super friendly and supportive, the staff and the fellow racers. A shout out to the Canyoneros  for their kind words of welcome to the Elite Class while we were on the Foot/Tube trail and congrats on your awesome finish! 

Also, a big way to go to You're Dead to Me on their great Sport Class finish. They are local friends of ours and we love having a beer with them post race. They rock...and kick my ass when I occasionally get down to Vero for one of the Adventure Training Classes they coach.

We are adorable. And sweaty. And sandy. A lovely combination. 

Till next time, stay dirty my friends. And remember this:

Going topless

Well that title is sure going to screw with people's search results, no? If you came here for pics of topless crossfitters I apologize for my cunning ruse. Might I suggest r/gonewild? I don't think a lot of those ladies are crossfitters but they are topless. And lots of times bottomless. Bless their hearts. So why the title? 

                                       Because this has been happening off and on at my box:

If you don't like to see imperfect bodies in sports bras then,

I'm sorry f*ck you, you're reading the wrong blog.

I had been talking to Dave awhile ago about the idea that, judging from what I've seen and heard on the interwebs, there are a lot more chicks just sporting the sports bra during/after WODs at other boxes than our own. Which kinda makes me a sad panda because I am a nudist at heart, and more importantly, did I mention I live in Florida and there is no air conditioning at our gym? And let's be honest it's the first damn time in my life I feel comfortable taking my shirt off in public! But noooooooo, even the fittest chicks at our box rarely take their tops off. As a result, and I don't think I'm speaking for myself here, those of us with less than perfect bodies are left thinking, "Well, hell. If SHE isn't taking her shirt off, I sure as hell can't."

And then one day during a Team WOD I looked over and my friend (in green above) was rocking just the sports bra. So I told her how I had been feeling about it. We both agreed that if chicks like us lost their tops every now and again, then other women (who wanted to, but were too intimidated) would feel more comfortable doing it. Or at the very least, we would. 

So now we do. Not everyday mind you, but when we are especially overheated and/or feeling bad-ass. Which we were yesterday. Both over-heated and feeling bad-ass. The first Lurong Challenge WOD was yesterday's WOD for our gym. Coach smoked us of course, but we all finished well under the time cap. 

So yeah...the shirts came off.

Looking good, Billy Ray!

So I got to see this guy Saturday night:

 

Oh, to be those hands.

With these guys:

Thank you Holden, for being into Maroon 5 and not One Direction. Thank you.

Badger judges the author for putting a naked pic of Adam Levine so close to one of her family.

Anyways, the Lurong Paleo Challenge (finally) started on Monday. Yay! Seriously you guys, I really needed the rigidity of the program; knowing I gots to do right by my team, really helps get me back on track. Now I'm back to feeling like my old Badass-self again.

Gratuitous tire-flipping-beast-mode pic.

I got on the scale on Monday for the first time in weeks. Yeah I know, very weird for me. That's how off the rails and in denial I was, I. Didn't. Even. Want. To Know. That's how I know I've wandered back into disordered-eating land. As a result, I was perilously close to hitting a number I swore I would never see again. Like, one pound from it.

Yeah.

But that said, I weighed myself this Wednesday morning and I am already down 5.5lbs. Which sounds crazy, but not when you understand the Paleo/Not Paleo thing. Major water retention/bloating. Let's not beat around the bush with these numbers shall we? I hate when people do that. I was 199 Monday morning, 193.6 this morning. There I said it. I fully intend to get into the 170s by the time this Challenge is over, I'd really like to see some 160s, but that may be pushing it. We shall see. I am willing to trade any new Crossfit PRs (for the next couple months) in exchange for losing more fat. I've been dabbling a bit in r/fitness and other like-minded places around the intertubes. My big takeaway has been that you don't have to lose muscle to lose fat, but it's extremely difficult to build muscle and lose fat at the same time. Thanks to the past year of Crossfit, I have a lot of muscle. More than I have ever had in my entire life. But it's time for a "cut" as they say in the weight-lifting circles. I'm ready. It's time.

That said, here's the plan for this Challenge. All the meats and vegetables. Only one (two, if I really need it) servings of fruit per day. No nuts as snacks. If they are in a recipe, fine. I reserve the right to check new recipes/food combos on Myfitnesspal to make sure there are no surprises. However, I will not be logging every meal on MFP. Though I will be paying much closer attention to portion/serving sizes. There will be no more "Just cause it is Paleo, I get to eat as much as I want." I sorta did that on the Whole 30, and even though it was a very good experience, I did not lose any weight on it. Which I could have had I known then what I know now.

"You know better, you do better," as Ms. Angelou so eloquently put it.

So what have I eaten the past few days? I'm so glad you asked! 

Breakfast -  Bacon and eggs, with 1/2 an avocado one morning, a banana a different morning.

Lunch - Canned tuna with a salad of romaine and carrots w/ balsamic vinegar/olive oil. Raspberries.

             Left over tuna steak and a hard boiled egg over a salad. Raspberries.

             Left over brussel sprouts and sweet potato/ground beef hash with a hard boiled egg and an apple.

Dinner -   Tuna Steak and Spinach

                Brussel sprouts and sweet potato/ground beef hash

               Tonight looks like a shrimp stir-fry with zucchinni and probably half a sweet potato.

For the record, I only get into this "what I stuff in my mouth hole posts" during Paleo Challenges. I always have non-Paleo friends asking, "So what DO you eat?" Umm, lots of stuff? So this is just a way to say, "SEE! HERE! It's not all bacon and steak." 

Though to be fair...there is a lot of bacon and steak.

                                           The Oatmeal is my hero. (pic more bigger here)