Pressure

My first Crossfit competition is Saturday. I'm really, really nervous. Like, not-sleeping-well-because-visions-of-rope-climbs-and-burpees-keep-racing-through-my-head-type of nervous. And I don't know why.

Scratch that, I do know why. Because I give a crap this time. Sure, I always care (ish) about how I perform at whatever race or competition we try. But somehow...my expectations for myself are usually not all that high. Keep expectations low and that way you'll never be disappointed, eh?

But this is not an Adventure Race (where I at least also have Dave to blame/give credit for) or a Mud-Run (which are purely for fun) or even like last summer's triathlon, which sure, I trained for, but seriously? Me? A triathlete? I was just out there to survive the day.

No, this is a Crossfit Competition. I L-O-V-E Crossfit. Seriously. I spend 3-4 nights a week there. How I perform on any given day, against myself, against the other gals at the box? It matters to me. I've been going for a year now. Unlike triathlons or Tough Mudder length runs, I'm no noob. I should be fairly decent at this by now. Right? RIGHT??!!!

** sidenote: The Tough Mudder last Saturday was da BOMB, yo! For once, I was the slowpoke in the group which meant we got to jog the whole 12 miles! Good times, indeed.

 Zafar, Shredder, Pru, & Dave - Thanks for hauling my ass up, over and through that course!

Love you guys!

Right or wrong, that is how I feel. AND there are only 20 or so other women in my division. (Scaled, of course) So no anonymity like at a lot of other events, either. If I suck, people will notice. And as much as it should just be for fun and I shouldn't care how I do, I do. I care a lot. If I suck, I'm afraid it's really going to bring me down. But why?

I'm beginning to think that maybe the reason I feel so strongly about this is because for the past year, despite having gotten hella stronger and fitter, there is still a part of me that feels a tiny bit like a failure in the Fat Loss Dept. And that if I suck at this competition then that means that I'm NOT an Amazon.(Big girl who kicks ass.)

I'm just a big girl.

Which I know I should think is stupid. But there you are.

Yup. That is definitely what this is about. Now what do I do with this information????

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On a lighter note, of my many (and there were MANY) costumes/pics

 this Halloween season, this my fav. It was a very busy season.

It's also one of the only ones I can post publicly. 

Oh Fantasy Fest, how I love thee.